Some Illustrious Insults

When dashing off a quick note or verbal reply to a prospective employer about a former delightful dimwit, dapper dolt, or dazzling dingbat with whom one had a modest acquaintance, it's best to find a wonderfully witty way to describe this intriguingly idiotic individual.

"A well balanced person with a chip on both shoulders."

"He had a healthy attitude to life; he worshipped the Tooth Fairy, flossed daily, and gargled from the fountain of knowledge whenever the spirit moved him."

"I've always found him to be an economical fellow; If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you'd get change."

"If he were any more environmentally-friendlly, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"His last performance review indicated that he was in possession of two cerebellums: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"In terms of the gene pool, I'd say he's a prime candidate for natural deselection."

"He's got a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, she's the other one."

"Future growth potential...well, I would say that when his IQ reaches 50 he should sell."

"She can be counted on to bring a lot of joy whenever she leaves the room."

"Suffice to say that his experience with the black abyss and void of nothingness in the universe of all things great and small reveal his remarkable knack for making strangers immediately."

"His interpersonal communication style...well, besides making mountains out of molehills, he excels in arguing with signposts."

"His colleagues would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"Does he swim with the sharks? Truthfully, I would have to say that he might be out of his depth in a puddle."

"This person has delusions of bountiful adequacy."

"If I had to sum it up, I would say that he's not so much of a 'hasbeen', more of a definite 'won'tbe' if you catch my drift."